The New York Post has reported; “Mad Men” actress Anne Dudek announced plans for a similar setup with her former partner, Matthew Heller. Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin have a variation, where Paltrow frequently stays at her former home. The New York Post goes on to say, “In fact, it’s become so popular that in the courts are now accepting bird’s nest parenting arrangements as appropriate and preferable custody arrangements for children.”
Bird’s nest emerged as a parenting arrangement in the 1990s in the U.S. However, it is estimated that only about one percent of all divorcing families try this parenting arrangement in the United States. A 2016 UK study suggested that the rate there was over 10%.
A bird's nest arrangement is uniquely child-centred. Rather than the children having to adapt to the parents’ needs and living in two separate homes, they remain in the family home and the parents take turns moving in and out like birds arriving and departing the “nest.” During the time parents are not at home with the children, they live in a separate residence, which can either be on their own or rotation with the other parent. Children experience much less disruption in their lives and routines than having to shuttle and adapt to completely new living arrangements. It allows children a smoother transition following their parents’ separation.
In one well-known 2003 Canadian ruling, the judge, Justice Quinn ordered a bird’s nest arrangement that neither parent wanted and said, "Time and time again I have seen cases, and this is one, where the children are being treated as Frisbees. In general, parents do not seem to appreciate the gross disruption to which children are subjected where one of the parents has frequent access.”
Clean break
Separation is supposed to be an uncoupling of lives. In the Australian Family Law Act there is the “Clean Break Principle”; Which means wherever possible, the court will make it possible for former partners to put the past behind them and begin a new life apart financially independent of each other and unable to make further claims. Bird’s Nest certainly goes against this principle.
When parents sell the family home, they each go their separate ways, it's a clean break. Child Support may be paid, but assets and liabilities are divided and parents each start over. But when parents still co-own a home and live part of the time in that family home post-separation, that line is blurred.
Bird's nest parenting arrangements mean that the parents must relocate themselves as their care arrangements for the children changes. This means they must have another place to live. This might mean that up to three places to live are needed for the entire family, one place for mum, one place for dad, and the other place for the children that are being cared for. Some parents share the second residence as well, this might be a studio apartment or small flat suitable for a single person.
Other Issues
Short-term solution
Research at Southern Methodist University in Texas showed that bird’s nest arrangements don’t succeed for any extended period because of the emotions it tends to stir. Also, they say, it tends to cause more ongoing conflict between the parents breaking down anything that was amicable.
Bird’s nest could be considered as a variation on the more well-known “Separated, Living Under the Same Roof”, where parents are separated but still share a house together. Each parent having separate bedrooms, with little to no contact with one another. They act as roommates at best or boarding house residents. Separated under the same roof only ever works short term as a stop-gap measure.
Bird’s nest works OK for parents who are amicably, but only if it’s done in the short-term where bird’s nest lasts no more than a few months. It is certain to fail once there is a new partner on the scene.
If you would like to read some more about Bird Nesting this is a link to a BBC article HERE
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