As Family Dispute Resolution Practitioners, we’re often looking for tools that can support separated parents to communicate more effectively. Co‑parenting apps have become increasingly popular in recent years, and many practitioners now suggest them as part of a broader Parenting Plan.
In 2022, I participated in Bruce Smyth, et al. research into Parenting Apps as a role-player testing two of the Apps. I’ve maintained a strong interest in how Apps may assist in FDR.
So, do these apps really help? Are they making communication easier, or just adding more stress? To find out, I asked separated parents in the Facebook group, Family Law Conflict Resolution, to share their experiences. There have been more than 60 responses. Their honest feedback gives a real-world look at how these tools work and a comparison to the formal research.
Below is a synthesis of what parents say works, what doesn’t, and what FDRPs should consider before recommending a co‑parenting app.
1. Co‑Parenting Apps Improve Structure — Not Behaviour
One of the clearest messages from parents is that apps don’t magically transform communication. They don’t make a hostile parent cooperative, nor do they resolve entrenched conflict.
What they do provide is structure:
Parents repeatedly emphasised that the app “doesn’t fix the behaviour — it just contains it”.
For FDRPs:
Frame apps as organisational tools, not therapeutic ones. They support clarity, not cooperation.
2. Accountability Features Are a Major Benefit
Many parents praised features such as:
These features reduce opportunities for manipulation, gaslighting, or narrative‑shifting. Several parents said the mere presence of a permanent record improved civility.
For FDRPs:
Highlight accountability as a key advantage, especially in high‑conflict or court‑ordered situations.
3. High‑Conflict Parents Still Behave High‑Conflict
A recurring theme was that apps don’t neutralise problematic behaviour. Parents described ex‑partners who:
In other words, the app becomes the container for the conflict — not the cure.
For FDRPs:
Set realistic expectations. The app won’t change personality traits or conflict styles. It will simply document them.
4. Apps Increase Emotional Safety for Victims of Abuse
A powerful theme from the comments was the emotional relief apps provide for parents who have experienced coercive control or abuse. Parents described:
For these parents, the app isn’t just a communication tool — it’s a trauma‑informed safety measure.
For FDRPs:
Consider apps as part of a safety plan. They can reduce triggers and help victims regain control.
5. Apps Provide a Reliable Evidentiary Trail
Several parents shared stories where the app:
For some, the app was less about communication and more about protection.
For FDRPs:
In matters involving allegations, mistrust, or inconsistent communication, apps can be a stabilising and protective tool.
6. Some Parents Wish They Had an App
Interestingly, a number of parents expressed frustration that they weren’t using one. They described:
For these parents, an app represented a way to regain control and reduce intrusion.
For FDRPs:
When one parent feels overwhelmed, an app can provide containment and predictability.
7. Apps Are Only as Effective as the Parents’ Capacity
Some apps include tone‑suggestion tools or message‑review features. Parents noted these are only useful for people who are already open to feedback.
For those who are not, the tools are largely irrelevant.
For FDRPs:
Assess readiness. Apps work best when at least one parent is willing to engage constructively.
8. Parents Need Clear, Realistic Expectations
The comments suggest that parents often misunderstand what co‑parenting apps can achieve. Some expect the app to fix communication; others fear it will make things worse.
A more accurate framing is:
For FDRPs:
Prepare parents for what the app can — and cannot — do. This prevents disappointment and increases the likelihood of consistent use.
9. Practical Tips Parents Found Helpful
Parents shared strategies that made the apps more effective:
These small habits significantly reduced stress.
For FDRPs:
Offer simple, practical guidance to help parents use the app effectively.
10. When Apps Should Be Strongly Considered
Some parents felt apps should be mandatory in high‑conflict cases. They are particularly useful when:
For FDRPs:
Apps can be an essential tool in high‑conflict or safety‑concern matters.
Insights from Research
A useful point of comparison comes from the work of Professor Bruce Smyth and colleagues, who have conducted detailed evaluations of post-separation parenting apps in Australia. Their study, Popular Post-Separation Parenting Smartphone Apps: An Evaluation (2023), https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/pdf/10.1111/fcre.12738 examines how these tools function in practice, focusing on usability, design quality, and the extent to which apps support separated parents in managing communication and shared parenting tasks. By analysing both practitioner expectations and parent experiences, Smyth’s team provides an evidence-based framework for understanding what these apps do well, where they fall short, and how they fit into the broader landscape of family law support tools.
Post-Separation Parenting Apps in the Context of Family Violence: Harm Minimisation versus Harm Facilitation. Irving (2024) https://lthj.qut.edu.au/article/view/3403 specifically examined the use of these apps in contexts of family violence. Among 33 mothers surveyed, 24 found the apps reduced harm by promoting containment and accountability. However, for the 9 who continued to experience misuse by coercive ex-partners, the apps facilitated ongoing manipulation—highlighting the nuanced risks apps can carry.
Smyth’s evaluation positions co-parenting apps as structural supports rather than conflict-resolution tools, emphasizing usability limitations and the need for realistic expectations. Irving’s research adds a critical lens on safety, showing that while apps can reduce harm for many victims of family violence, they may also enable coercive control if misused. The online discussion group complements these findings by highlighting the emotional dimension—parents value containment and predictability, but apps do not neutralize entrenched conflict behaviours. Together, these perspectives underscore that apps are most effective when integrated into a broader strategy that includes safety planning, clear expectations, and ongoing support.
So: What was learned?
Irving’s (2024) research and the online discussion group share common ground in emphasizing the emotional benefits of co-parenting apps. Both point to containment and accountability as key factors that reduce harm and anxiety for parents in high-conflict situations. Irving’s study found that most mothers in family violence contexts experienced relief when communication was confined to a single, monitored channel, echoing parents’ descriptions of reduced anxiety and fewer intrusive contacts.
However, Irving does not delve into the practical boundary-setting strategies—such as turning off notifications or blocking other communication channels—those parents in the discussion group identified as essential for managing triggers. Similarly, while Irving acknowledges that apps can be misused by coercive ex-partners, the online feedback provides concrete examples of persistent high-conflict behaviours within the app environment, adding a lived-experience dimension that research alone cannot capture. Together, these perspectives suggest that apps offer structural and emotional safety benefits but require clear guidance and realistic expectations to prevent misuse and maximize effectiveness.
Parenting Apps: A Tool, Not a Solution
Co‑parenting apps can be incredibly useful, but only when recommended thoughtfully and with the right framing. They are best understood as:
They are not conflict‑resolution tools in themselves.
For FDRPs:
The key is to integrate these apps into a broader strategy that could include, Parenting Coordination, Divorce Coaching, expectation‑setting, and ongoing support. When used well, they can reduce chaos, increase clarity, and provide a safer communication environment for parents and children alike.
MAGENTA 4 MEDIATORS